The Uncertain Journey of Fatherhood

There are several things that can be considered life-changing. Graduating from college, your first job, your first major promotion, or marriage. But none more so than being a parent. Nothing will prepare you to be responsible for another human being’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being… for the rest of their life!!!

Mine came on a fateful day in March of 2013 when my wife and I were in our usual routine of getting to work. We are creatures of habits so our daily grind was always the same, waking up at a certain time, taking a shower, having breakfast, getting dressed, and heading out to commute to work.

But on this particular morning, my wife went “Babe, I’m late”. I carefully looked at my watch and quipped “No you’re not, it’s only 7:05, you still have 10 mins”.  She quickly retorted with an emphasis in the tone of her voice “No, I mean I’m LATE!”. That’s when the ball dropped and though my visual sensory had nothing to do with what I just heard, my eyes widened. It was as if making them bigger would add clarity and help me better understand what she just said. 

But we carried on with our day with the thought of the inevitable at the back of our minds. We were planning on having a baby. We already had our civil wedding and we already made plans for our honeymoon. But we were still saving up for a beach wedding before a baby was supposed to come into the picture. But with the expected date falling in Sept, it would definitely be in the way of our honeymoon. And it wouldn’t be much of a honeymoon with my wife’s belly the size of a watermelon. Granted that they wouldn’t let her get on the plane and even if they did we certainly don’t want her to give birth on a plane or in a foreign country. 

So later that same day, we bought a home pregnancy test and used it immediately that night. Slowly we held our breath as we looked at the line, or in our case, the lines slowly became more visible. The instruction said one line indicates a negative pregnancy, but I couldn’t find anything that says if it was 1.5. Apparently, there is no such thing as 1.5. That was it, we were going to be parents. It was further confirmed with a laboratory test in the local hospital. So officially, the beach wedding and the honeymoon were scrapped. 

Hence, the visits to her Ob-Gyne started not long after.  And on our very first visit, the doctor used the ultrasound machine wherein we heard the unmistakable sound of our daughter’s heartbeat beating loudly and faster than even the best drummer in a heavy metal band can ever do. 

In the months after that, our life revolved around work, home and learning as much as we can about parenthood. You get all of this information from books, family, and friends who have been through it. But you can soak up as much as the US Library of Congress but still, nothing will prepare you for what is about to happen. 

Finally, the big day arrives and so we admit my wife to the hospital to welcome the newest member of our family. Our daughter was taking her sweet time coming out and my wife had been in anguish for 12 hours already. Despite her claim to have a “high pain tolerance” we decided to go with a c-section at an unholy hour of 3 AM. 

They wheeled her into the operating room first, and a few minutes later I was allowed to follow in. I was shocked to see my wife’s arms strapped on the gurney that was shaped like a cross, with a team of doctors and nurses around and wires attached to her. It looked more like a torture session than what was supposed to be a celebration of life. It’s actually reminiscent of the scene of Mel Gibson as William Wallace in the movie Braveheart. And after what seemed like an eternity, our daughter was out. Not clean and smooth like you would normally see on TV or in the movies but covered in this creamy milk-like substance that sustained her all those months in my wife’s womb. Similar to Willam Wallace, she was crying out on top of her lungs “FREEEEEDOOOOOOM”. 

My dear friend told me before, “Kids are a complete game-changer”. He is definitely not wrong on that one. From then on, your life completely changes. From using the extra cash to buy scuba diving and kiteboard gear for the hobbies you used to enjoy as a bachelor, I was now focused on diapers, baby formula, bottles, and other items that will only be fit for small people. Items too small even for Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee from the Shire.

As all fathers will tell you, your life completely changes in all aspects. From listening to Led Zeppelin and AC/DC, my playlist became Baby Shark to-tu-tu-tu, Itsy bitsy spider and other kid’s tunes. Then it moved on to the Disney Movies, nothing helps you remember the lyrics to the song Let It Go as to listen to Frozen play five times a day. But as my daughter got older, I made sure to broaden her musical horizons and introduced her to some of my milder forms of rock music. I introduced her to John Lennon’s Imagine, Green Day’s Good Riddance and even a bit of classical music like Beethoven’s Ode To Joy. 

Each day has been a joy to be her dad, to teach her things, and to guide her as she learns things in life. But there have also been hard days when I have to act as her father and not as her friend. Currently, our daily routine before bedtime has been to play an easy game of Sudoku and watch classic Looney Tunes. She’s learned to appreciate Daffy’s and Sylvester’s speech impediment and Bugs Bunny’s habit of cross-dressing. 

A big credit goes to my wife who makes sure that she grows up healthy with a balance of academics, physical activity, and other essential childhood stuff. She makes sure that Chloe understands values and learns to differentiate right from wrong. It took a while, but we also gave in to her playing Minecraft and Roblox. Her friends were easily into those games a year before she joined in, so we finally relented when we knew it was going to be inevitable. 

And I will always cherish those precious daddy moments like the first time she went ice skating, skateboarding, riding the bike and making lasagna together. And I told her that once she reaches ten years old, I will take her to her first martial arts class. So that when she gets older, boys or bullies will think twice before they push her around. 

It has been almost 9 years since that momentous day, and it has been a blessing each day and at the same time a humbling experience. To have an innocent child look up to you and hold you in such high regard. To hear her sweet voice say “I love you daddy” every night is something not even all the money in the world can equal. Despite all my initial reluctance to have a child, I am thankful for my daughter. She is a gift and a definite game-changer. 

Now I dread the next 9 years wherein she will turn into a young lady. I am certainly a member of DADDs (Dads Against Daughters Dating). I remember watching on YouTube Latino Comedian Dennis Gaxiola talking about his daughter in one of his skits. He was proud to say that she was a straight-A student and as a sophomore she is already a cheerleader. So the boys are already “knocking on the door” so to speak. And he had a tough decision of figuring out when he’s going to allow her to start going out with boys. He’s thinking that he will only allow his daughter to date when she’s 33. His argument was “the good Lord didn’t date, if she outlived the Good Lord then…”.  He might not have a bad idea.